Many parents have heard the advice: “Just ignore that behavior.”

Maybe it was said when your child was whining, yelling, throwing something, repeating a demand, or having a hard moment in public. It is one of the most common behavior tips parents receive.

Sometimes it is offered with good intentions. Sometimes it sounds simple and easy. But in real life, especially for families raising a child with autism, this advice is often incomplete—and in many cases, not the best option.

Behavior usually happens for a reason. If we only ignore it, we may miss the chance to teach something more helpful.

Why “Ignore It” Is Such Common Advice

This recommendation often comes from a real behavioral principle called extinction. In simple terms, extinction means a behavior may decrease if it no longer gets the result it used to get.

For example, if a child screams to get candy and candy is no longer given after screaming, the screaming may decrease over time.

That concept is real—but it is often oversimplified.

Parents hear “ignore it” without being told:

• Why the behavior is happening
• Whether attention is actually maintaining it
• What skill should be taught instead
• How to stay consistent safely
• What to do when the behavior gets bigger before it gets better

That missing context matters.

[ ALSO READ: Is ABA Therapy Right for My Child? Key Questions to Ask ]

Why Ignoring Behavior Is Often Not the Best Option

It Does Not Teach a Better Skill

If a child screams because they do not know how to ask for help, ignoring the scream does not teach communication.

If a child throws toys because they cannot handle frustration, ignoring it does not teach coping skills.

Stopping behavior is not the same as building skills.

It Only Works for Attention-Based Behaviors

Ignoring is only likely to help when attention is the main reason the behavior continues.

But many behaviors happen because of:

• Escape from demands
• Sensory needs
• Difficulty communicating
• Frustration
• Anxiety
• Need for predictability
• Accessing toys or fun activities

If the behavior is happening for one of these reasons, ignoring it may do very little—or make things worse.

Behavior Often Escalates First

When something that used to work suddenly stops working, many children increase the behavior before reducing it, especially if children are not taught an appropriate way to meet their needs. 

That may look like:

• Louder yelling
• Longer crying
• More intense reactions

Parents are often unprepared for this stage, which can feel overwhelming.

Inconsistent Ignoring Can Accidentally Strengthen Behavior

This is one of the biggest reasons “ignore it” fails.

If a parent ignores whining five times, then gives in on the sixth because they are exhausted, the child learns something powerful:

“Keep going. Eventually it works.”

That intermittent reinforcement can make behavior stronger and more persistent.

What to Do Instead: Teach the Skill Behind the Behavior

A better question than “How do I stop this?” is:

“What skill is missing right now?”

That shift changes everything.

If Your Child Whines for a Snack

Instead of only ignoring whining, prompt a better request.

You might say:

“Say snack please.”
“Show me snack.”
“Use your picture card.”

Then respond quickly when they use the better communication.

Now they are learning what works.

If Your Child Throws Toys When Frustrated

Prompt a coping response.

You might teach:

“Help please.”
“All done.”
“Take a break.”
“Hands down, let’s try again.”

Then guide them through calming and problem solving.

If Your Child Yells to Escape Homework

Prompt a smaller, successful step.

Try:

“First one problem, then break.”
“Point to number one.”
“Let’s do it together.”

This teaches task tolerance instead of turning work into a battle.

If Your Child Grabs Items Without Asking

Prompt communication before access.

Try:

“What do you need?”
“Say turn please.”
“Tap my arm and ask.”

Then reinforce the request when possible.

Use Prompting the Right Way

Prompting means helping your child do the right behavior in the moment so success is easier.

Prompts can include:

• Verbal prompts (“Say help please”)
• Gestures (pointing to picture card)
• Modeling (showing calm breathing)
• Visual supports
• Physical guidance when appropriate and gentle

The goal is not permanent prompting. The goal is to help the child succeed, then gradually reduce support over time.

Reinforce the Behavior You Want More Of

Children repeat behaviors that work.

When your child communicates, waits, asks nicely, calms down, or tries again—notice it.

That may sound like:

“I like how you asked.”
“Great waiting.”
“You used your words.”
“You stayed calm.”

Attention to positive behavior is often more powerful than attention to problem behavior.

[ ALSO READ: Teaching Emerging Language: Supporting Early Communication in Children With Autism ]

How ABA Therapy Can Help

ABA therapy helps identify why behavior is happening and what skill should replace it.

Instead of generic advice, families receive individualized strategies based on their child’s needs. That may include communication training, emotional regulation, transitions, waiting, flexibility, or parent coaching.

Because behavior change works best when the plan fits the child.

A Gentle Reminder

Some behaviors involve safety concerns, aggression, self injury, or complex emotional needs. Families should always consult with qualified professionals familiar with their child’s unique circumstances before implementing behavior strategies.

There Is Usually a Better Option Than “Ignore It”

Parents deserve better advice than one-size-fits-all behavior tips.

Most challenging behavior is communication, frustration, or skill deficits in disguise. When we teach the missing skill, progress becomes more meaningful and lasting.

Rogue Behavior Services provides compassionate, family-centered ABA therapy for children and adults across Cache, Box Elder, Weber, Davis, Salt Lake and Utah Counties. We help families build practical strategies that work in real life.

If you’d like support or have questions about ABA therapy, our team is here to help.

This blog is educational and not medical advice.